educator, writer, speaker, devoted family man, amateur philosopher, chess enthusiast, basketball junkie, connoisseur of fine hip hop, and purveyor of wit and wisdom

Bubblegum Pop is Auditory Crack

This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard thus far.  Listen to this and tell me what you think…


My four-year-old son Donovan is enrolled in a day care three days per week, and we’ve always had nothing but fantastic things to say about the school.  We love the staff, and the staff love Donovan.  The tuition is great, the location is amazing, and the other families there are also great.  Everything’s great…except for one thing.

We were told that Donovan’s class will be performing tomorrow night in a Christmas program held on the auditorium stage of a local middle school.  His class spent more than a week practicing the words to the song.  I was (and I suppose I still am) looking forward to it.  I see it as one of the fringe benefits of parenting to watch your child goofing around on stage with other children.

Anyway, earlier this week, the teacher decided to burn the song on individual CDs so the kids can take them home and practice.  I thought it was a great idea.  So two days ago, after I picked Donovan up from the day care, the CD was waiting in his cubby.  After we buckled up and pulled out of the day care’s driveway, I asked him “So what’s the name of the song?”  He said, “It’s called ‘Santa Can You Hear Me?’  Can we listen to it?”  I thought it was a cute title, but I’ve never heard the song before. 

I popped the CD in the CD player.  

This is the song that vomitted from my car speakers…….


I can’t even imgaine what it will look like tomorrow night with 15 little four-year-olds on stage singing this song asking Santa to bring them a man for Christmas.  Try to imagine it.  Go ahead.  Can’t do it, huh?  That’s because they’re friggin’ FOUR YEARS OLD, that’s why!!!


(For you older folk reading this, the letters “WTF” is cyberspeak which roughly translates to “My goodness, this situation has me utterly flabbergasted.”)

I have two issues with this situation.

  1. Donovan’s teacher is not a teenager.  She’s actually old enough to be Britney Spears’ mother.  Something bothers me about an older woman thinking this song would be cute for four-year-olds to sing…which brings me to concern number two…
  2. Donovan’s teacher is obviously addicted to this musical crack.  I’m imagining this middle-aged woman sitting at home, bobbing her head side to side to this song countless times thinking to herself, “I just, like, love this song!  It’s, like, SOOOOOO cute!  OMG, what if the four-year-olds, like, sang this next Friday, you know, like at the Christmas program?  OMG, that would, like, be like, SOOOOO cute.  Like.”  What must this say about her?  We need to call Dr. Drew and have an intervention…if not for her sake, then for the children’s.  Do it for the children.

Now I don’t know Britney Spears personally.  I’m sure she’s a delightful young lady.  If Britney Spears wants to sing a song about waking up Christmas morning to find a young strapping lad with a Christmas bow on his head, more power to her.  But I’ve been screaming about the more important larger issue for years. 

Bubblegum pop is lethal.  Bubblegum pop (better known by its street name “BP”) is nothing more than auditory crack.  And crack kills.

The thing about BP is that it is so pervasive.  It gets ingested into the system quicker than heroin, and it’s more potent.  It goes straight to the brain and nests there…like a parasite.  A bubblegum-scented tick.  As a nation, I think we’re only recently coming to terms with the mental injuries incurred by the dangerous substance that is bubblegum pop.

You decide.  I know the following videos have been making their way across the internet for a couple years now, but they serve as proof of the brain damage caused by excessive hits of BP.


There is no doubt that these previously sane, upstanding citizens fell victim to the dangers of BP.


Enough ranting.  I’ll write something next week to let everyone know how things went with Donovan’s Christmas program.


2 comments on “Bubblegum Pop is Auditory Crack

  1. Karen
    December 12, 2008

    I canNOT imagine how anyone could think this is a cute song, let alone a cute song for a group of 4 year olds to sing for their parents!

    While I’ll admit to occasionally being suckered into some of the catchier tunes generated by Brittney’s contemporaries (not by her, though!), I generally agree with you that there is nothing good that comes from bubblegum pop. I see the songs that my teenage brother and sister list on their MySpace pages and I thank God that my tastes have matured, even if I haven’t.

  2. wang
    December 13, 2008


    I think this is just part of a bigger problem. Almost all or our stimuluus these days is some form of crack. We supposedly have all these ways of being connected to one another but we are drifting further and further apart.

    When I lived in New York a few years back, I was just absolutely amazed at the amount of people on cell phones…CONSTANTLY! Talking about absolutely nothing. What the hell is wrong with just riding the damn bus? And while you are talking to your fiend about the mundane BS you are going to do when you get home, you are annoying the hell out of everyone else. This fulfills a need for some people to feel like they are doing something. Here’s a hint how about you just do nothing for a little while, or crazier yet, read a damn book while you are on public transportation, crazy huh?

    Kids text, IM and the like today, but they don’t really hang out. In the summertime I’m amazed by the fact that I don’t see kids outside. When I was a kid you never wanted to come in, someone would literally have to force me to eat lunch for 5 minutes, before I ran back on the street to do raise some hell with my friends.

    OK a little off topic, but yeah, most of us don’t really listen to the music that is vomitted to us…
    Hey maybe she changed the words around that, at any rate I look forward to finding out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on December 12, 2008 by in Musings and tagged , , , .

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 447 other followers

Soulquarian Quote of the Day

"There is no hip hop manual for growing old...The 22-year-old college grad who used to love the Roots in 1994 never left. He’s just 40 now and has a wife and kids and doesn’t feel like spending all night at a club."

%d bloggers like this: