What To Do When The Internet Fad Ends
Here’s a list of suggested activities for you to participate in as soon as this internet fad is over. I suspect that’ll be sometime soon.
- Go outside for fresh air…unless you live here in the Inland Empire. In that case, walk inside the Ontario Mills mall for fresh air. Plus you may get lucky and run into this guy at the mall.
- Read a book. I heard a myth that there’s this magical building called a library (or lie berry…I can’t remember). Anyway, every city has one of these buildings. That’s the place where they hide all the books.
- Kiss a baby. While you’re out, kiss a few babies. Politicians used to do this all the time while campaigning. It shows that you have values. It shows that you care about families. Ease an anxious mother’s fears about strangers by walking up to her and planting a big wet kiss on her baby. She’ll thank you for it. And she’ll be more likely to vote for you for city alderman.
- Visit a local farmer’s market. At a farmer’s market, there are smiling happy people. These smiling people sell brightly colored produce, picked fresh and sold directly to you. If you’ve ever been to a farmer’s market and bitten into a freshly picked cucumber, you’ll agree with me when I say that it is the most flavorless and boring food on the planet. That is why you should visit the farmer’s market, bite into a cucumber, and then go get a double cheeseburger. You’ll have a greater appreciation for fast food.
- Go to the park. Frolic through the beauty that is nature. (And yes, you must frolic.) Take your camera or smartphone with you to capture all the wonders you’re sure to discover. Look there…snap a pic of that butterfly that paused to land gently on a discarded condom. That’s nature. Or the stray kitten who got his head caught in the hole of a discarded plastic six-pack ring. That’s also nature. Or the stained old man in stained sweatpants sitting with a stained bag of loose unwrapped hard candy, quietly staring at the kids on the swings. He’s nature too.
- Create something. The internet has a way of draining us of our creative juices. Get juicy again by tapping into your creative side. Draw a picture of your trip to the park and place it on your refrigerator. Make your own soap. Take your guitar to the closest coffee shop open mic night and sing covers of Tori Amos songs. The world can never have enough Tori Amos cover songs at open mic night.
- Help someone in need. Once this internet fad passes, you’ll realize that there are walking, talking real human beings outside who look nothing like their Facebook profile pictures. Pick a person at random and give them some help. Anything. Wash their feet, pop their pesky back pimples, anything. The point is to use your unique skills to serve others. Although, since you spent so much time on the internet, your only skill may be showing others how to customize their Tumblr pages. Better yet, just stand still on a street corner and wait for someone with real skills to come and help you.