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For those of you reading from outside of the United States, here in ‘merica, we celebrate Tax Day on April 15, smack dab in the middle between April Fools Day and May Day.
Tax Day is a wondrous time of the year. It’s a day when families gather round the fireplace singing tax carols, drinking mugs of peppermint Schnapps, and listening to the elders tell stories of long ago when mom, grandma, dad, and his ex-wife all claimed cousin Nay Nay’s baby daughter as a dependent on their taxes.
Around here, it’s beginning to look a lot like Tax Day everywhere I go. There are signs of tax season everywhere. The old folks reminisce on how awesome taxes were in the past, while happy youngsters are outside in the fresh spring air, donning the costume of Lady Liberty and twirling signs, inviting us into the warmth of the friendly tax accountant’s office.
Many weary taxpayers try desperately to stay up late as midnight approaches. Sometimes, if you listen closely, you can hear the pitter patter of little feet on the rooftop as a white-bearded man named Uncle Sam lands his sleigh pulled by eight tiny IRS agents. Jolly old Uncle Sam travels all across the land, sliding down chimneys, stuffing his large sack with money, drinking all the bourbon, and snatching coins from the swear jar the kids leave out for him on the table right next to the tax form tree.
So as you gather with your family this tax season, sharing tales of Uncle Sam’s famous battles with Wesley Snipes, Lauryn Hill, and Donald Trump, remember to hug and kiss your relatives and hold them close…because you can’t claim them as dependents if they don’t love you enough to stay in your home.